O los libros de lo inevitable

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Lo que Dios te quita por un lado...

Existen días en que el insomnio se vuelve tan predecible que la cabeza duele sólo de pensar en la cama.
Días de dolor absoluto, mortal, como si no fuera suficiente el alma punzante, el pecho espasmódico, la naúsea perpetua, la simple manía de doler todo tan por dentro que llega al afuera, al algo diagnóstico.
Cuánto dolor...
El dolor purifica, el dolor salva, el dolor hace mártires...
No
No quiero ser nada de eso. Quiero ser otra persona que hable con las otras personas a deshoras y les cuente de la última fase de lactancia que tuvo su perro; que les cuente de todo lo lindo que es Veracruz y de cuan largos son los viajes hacia el norte de la ciudad un día de navidad.
Quisiera encontrar palabras para decir que esto está bien, que todo está bien... Quisiera decir No... o Sí... O algo
Pero no llorar...
¿Cómo no llorar?
Lo sueños interminables, el recuerdo perfecto, las palabras completas, las frases extendidas (olvídamequeahoraquenoestoyconmigo...)
Las batas blancas y azules duelen, las luces sobre las piernas duelen, la larga agonía de desesperar esperando... duele...
Quisiera, por decreto, un día mejor, uno de sol sobre una hamaca fresca con la arena debajo y el placer por el cuerpo...
Quisiera esperar
Quisiera creer
Quisiera, sólo, si fuera posible... Dejar de llorar...
Me duelo...
Eso es peor que todo...
que todos...
Lo peor soy yo...
A la grandísima puta todo lo que no soy yo...

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

a veces se esquiva un puño a tiempo, y a veces no,el destino utiliza las maneras mas extrañas de proceder,
hoy nos concede un futuro pero luego nos da la sorpresa de que todo fue un engaño.
Cuando menos lo esperas puede sucederte algo,
algo que trunque tu rumbo, o que cambie tu forma de ser,
"el arte de adaptarte y vivir",una leccion que tendremos que aprender.

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